Much like when I got engaged and ran out and bought a bunch of wed­ding mag­a­zines, I have been work­ing my way through a stack of preg­nancy mags. Much like the wed­ding mag­a­zines, the preg­nancy peri­od­i­cals are very close to useless.

I real­ize that ours is a con­sumer cul­ture, and with each life event comes some enter­pris­ing soul wish­ing to make mad money from it, but some of this shit is ridicu­lous. I’m look­ing at you, Bellysonic.

(I guess you wear this and baby can lis­ten to your iPod with you? This is just the tip of the iceberg.)

Before I get ahead of myself with par­ent­ing promises to break as soon as Mr. Baby presents him­self to the world, I’m focus­ing on short-term goals. Namely, some pregnancy-related words that I pray I never find myself using. Is preg­nant so hard to say that short­en­ing it to preggo or pregs is nec­es­sary? While I’m all for gifts, doesn’t call­ing one a push present make it feel like birthing a child is some sort of busi­ness trans­ac­tion? On that note, does tak­ing a trip together before baby arrives have to be a baby­moon? Please.

(But if we’re talk­ing about some places I wouldn’t mind visiting…more on that shortly.)